Preparation Tempers Your Hate-Hate Relationship with Phone Calls

Remember when the phone was solely for making and receiving phone calls? If you’re an introvert, you probably don’t miss those times—which only makes sense.

One of my best friends called me on the phone the other day.

I let it ring.

My brother Mark called me too, just to catch up.

I didn’t answer.

I got a call from a past writing collaborator as well, along with a call from the pharmacy (“your prescription has been refilled”) and another call from my graduate school alma mater (please give us money).

Those calls all went to voicemail too.

With the rarest of exceptions—the only true rare exception being my lovely wife, Adrianne, since our kids don’t use the phone for the calling function anyway—my reaction to a phone call is a mental and often audible “ugh.”

Phone calls don’t make me dance.

They make me wince.

The same phenomenon holds true in reverse, when I have to make a phone call. My brain says “I don’t want to” or “Can’t we do this some other way?”

A Conflicted Relationship

Such is life for the typical introvert when it comes to the good old-fashioned phone call.

And while I don’t have any scientific studies to back me up, I have talked to enough introverts—Adrianne being just one of the many—to know that we introverts have, at best, a conflicted relationship with the phone itself.

Texting? No problem. Even appealing in many ways, given its similarity to email in both form and function.

The same goes for using the phone to access the Internet or take pictures. No trouble there, either.

But talking?

On the phone?

Like I said—ugh.

And I’m not alone.

But here’s the thing: There are sensible reasons for you to resent—and resist—phone calls if you’re an introvert.

And they all relate to the oversized amount of energy you have to invest, whether you’re the caller or the called.

Phone Calls Cost You Energy

I don’t know which is worse (or better): calling or being called. They both have far more draining downsides than refreshing upsides.

When I’m the one making a phone call, I feel like I’m interrupting the recipient in the middle of who knows what with who knows whom. I hate being interrupted myself (yet another common introvert trait), so the thought of potentially interrupting someone else isn’t at all appealing.

Neither is the parallel thought of trying to then gauge that person’s mood and adjust my words and tone accordingly—on the fly, no less.

It’s not so bad if I’m calling someone I know. But if I’m calling someone I don’t know, and that person isn’t in a position that is naturally intended to field calls from total strangers like me, then I have a difficult time.

I’d much rather text. Or email. Or live chat. Because then the interruption factor subsides or disappears, all while I get the chance to think before I speak—using my energy-saving, typically more articulate fingers vs. my energy-spending, often less articulate mouth.

When I’m on the receiving end of a phone call, on the other hand, I’m the one who’s expected to immediately drop everything.

And instantly gather my thoughts.

And instantly think and speak on my feet.

Moreover, phone calls that could have been 10-second texts or emails turn into five- or 10-minute verbal time wasters.

Plus, I have only the caller’s voice to rely on during our interaction. I don’t have access to the multiple nonverbal cues I’d have at my disposal in a much more welcome one-on-one, face-to-face chat over coffee.

Yup.

“Ugh” is about right.

Preparation Is Salvation

The key to handling phone calls as an introvert, whatever direction they’re going, is preparation.

On the receiving end of calls, use caller ID to your advantage. If you’re expecting a critical call—for instance, if you’re waiting to hear back from someone you interviewed with for a job—type that person’s name and number into your cell phone’s contact list so that when they call, you’ll know who’s on the line.

Be sure as well to lean heavily on the introvert’s best phone friend: voicemail. Let calls go to voicemail and return them when you’re ready.

When you need to make calls, shoot for days/times when you yourself are likely to reach the recipient’s voicemail, then leave a message.

Or, when you know you simply must actually talk to the person, prearrange a day/time to chat so that when you call, the person is less likely to be (or at least feel) interrupted and therefore annoyed.

You Can Handle Phone Calls

Yes, we introverts have a thing about the phone. It’s true.

Just know that it’s normal.

And sensible.

And that you can develop your own ways of operating so that the phone won’t constantly hang you up.