What Introversion Is Not—Gently Explained, for Teaching’s Sake

How can you help the people around you understand what introversion is? Start by telling them what introversion is not.

It’s bad enough that the world, particularly in Western culture, doesn’t understand what introversion is.

It’s even worse that the world typically frames introversion as some sort of problem.

And it’s worse still that the problems the world associates with introversion are themselves problematic, as in dead wrong.

There’s just a lot of ignorance out there where introversion is concerned.

You’ve undoubtedly experienced it yourself, fellow introvert, and you will surely do so again … and again … and again.

What can you do about it?

One solution is to put on your educator’s hat and patiently teach others in your life what introversion is. You can help others see—and remind yourself!—that introversion is nothing more than a healthy, normal personality trait, one that thrives on quiet, reflection, focus, and depth.

But what if that’s not enough? (And let’s face it—it often isn’t.) What then?

Well, consider coming at the problem another way.

Try focusing on what introversion is not.

Here’s a primer.

What Introversion Is Not

Introversion is not:

Shyness. As author Marti Olsen Laney pointed out more than 20 years ago in her insightful book The Introvert Advantage, shyness involves fear in and of social situations—whereas introversion is simply about energy loss in social situations, even in the best of circumstances.

“Shyness,” Olsen Laney stresses, “is social anxiety.”

Introversion is not.

Being antisocial or asocial. There are people in this world who believe—really—that introverts don’t like people; that introverts are antisocial or asocial.

No. That’s ridiculous.

Introverts like people just fine. Introverts love people—but in their own way and in their own time.

An inability. Extroverts often take it upon themselves to “teach” introverts how to be more extroverted, mistakenly thinking that introverts are simply lacking a key skill that, once taught, will fix the problem.

But introversion is not an inability.

It has nothing to do with abilities or skills.

It has to do with preferences and natural tendencies.

Having nothing to say or contribute. Silence, in Extrovert World, often means that you have nothing to say about the matter at hand, and/or nothing valuable to contribute.

The counterargument from Introvert World: “Wrong!”

Introverts have a lot to say when a) they’re ready to say it, and especially b) when the matter at hand really matters.

A mental/psychological disorder. Don’t laugh. Back in 2010, the American Psychiatric Association considered a proposal to “include introversion in the next edition of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM 5),” according to a Psychology Today blog post written at the time by Nancy Ancowitz (author of Self-Promotion for Introverts) and Laurie Helgoe (author of Introvert Power).

“The proposal would make introversion a contributing factor in diagnosing certain personality disorders,” Ancowitz and Helgoe wrote.

Ultimately introversion was “quietly removed” from the proposal, Ancowitz and Helgoe noted in a follow-up post.

But the effects linger to this day in some quarters.

A Work in Progress

Rome really wasn’t built in a day, and we’ll need far more than a day to start chipping away at society’s lack of knowledge and awareness where introversion is concerned.

But if we’re all willing to take on the role of patient teacher once in a while, when and where and how we can, we can help the world better understand what introversion is truly all about.

And what it’s most definitely not all about.