We Need to See Introversion as the Preference That It Really Is

Introversion—like extroversion—is a preference. And preferences aren’t right or wrong, good or bad. They just exist.

Quick game …

Write your name—the way you’d sign a check—on a piece of scratch paper.

Go ahead. Do it right now.

I’ll wait.

…

Done?

How was that for you?

I have a guess.

It was easy, mindless, quick.

Essentially automatic.

Now write your name again on your scratch paper.

Only this time, use your other hand.

Go ahead. Do it right now.

I’ll wait again!

…

How was that for you?

Again, I have a guess.

It was harder, slower.

It took more thinking and effort.

It was the antithesis of automatic.

Note—and this is crucial!—that you were still able to write your name with your non-dominant hand.

But it wasn’t pretty, and you put in 10 times the energy and thought for one-tenth the result.

In fact, if you had to behave this way over the long term—for example, when you’ve broken your dominant hand and it’s in a cast for six weeks—yes, you’d survive.

But after a while you’d go quietly insane, too.

This is why, in your everyday life, you naturally and understandably write with your right hand if you’re right-handed, and with your left hand if you’re left-handed.

Because why wouldn’t you?

Introversion Is a Preference

We refer to handedness as a preference.

And—crucially once again—we don’t say that one hand is better than the other.

We don’t coerce right-handers to write left-handed, and vice versa.

Which is to say that we don’t put a value judgment on your handedness preference.

We just acknowledge it and go with it, whatever it happens to be.

Unfortunately, in Western culture at least, the same can’t be said for your introversion, even though it, too, is merely a preference—a 
basic personality trait—just like 
extroversion is.

Instead, introversion is too often viewed as a disorder or a disability, some kind of “condition” that needs to be fixed or overcome.

Let me be the first to acknowledge: Things have gotten a bit better in recent years, particularly 
after the publication of books like Susan 
Cain’s groundbreaking bestseller Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking and Laurie Helgoe‘s brilliant and inspiring Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength.

But we have a ways to go.

A long ways.

Because the cultural undercurrents against introversion continue to be strong.

Subtle, but definitely strong.

Words Matter

Here’s a quick sampling of references to introverts/introversion that you’ll find in the media, with very little effort.

(Note: I’m the one who has italicized the key words and phrases to focus on; the articles themselves do not do that.)

“Johnny Carson was an admitted introvert …”

“There are, however, ways for 
introverts to overcome their natural tendencies …”

“… he is quiet and smart, but 
introverted”

“Even if you are an introvert, you can boost your business …”

“Oh, my God! I’m an introvert!?”

We tend not to even notice, let alone question, this stuff.

It’s par for the proverbial course.

But what if you were to take these snippets and substitute the word “extrovert/extroversion” for “introvert/introversion”?

To wit:

“Johnny Carson was an admitted extrovert …”

“There are, however, ways for 
extroverts to overcome their natural tendencies …”

“… he is quiet and smart, but 
extroverted”

“Even if you are an extrovert, you can boost your business …”

“Oh, my God! I’m an extrovert!?”

Suddenly the statements are all ridiculous.

Preferences Aren’t Right or Wrong

Well, the original statements are ridiculous too.

But they’re still out there, as are the attitudes and expectations that drive them.

So we must continue to be vigilant—not about flipping the scales completely and making introversion the “right” way to be, but instead about merely balancing those scales.

That way, we introverts can all go ahead and be who we are—without apology, explanation, or justification.

Same as extroverts.