Introverts Just Want to Interact with People the Introvert’s Way

Yes, introverts like people! But the way we like to interact with people is often markedly different from the way extroverts gravitate to.

Each fall, in November, I head about 90 miles east of here with my family to be part of Lefse Weekend, my wife’s family’s annual celebration of the Norwegian delicacy of lefse (potato bread). The festivities always coincide with the opening of deer hunting season as well.

It’s a fun time.

It’s an overwhelming time.

It’s a fun and overwhelming time all wrapped into one.

My sense is that, as a strong introvert, I am one of the very few people among the 25 or so there who would even think of giving half of the adjectives describing this event to a word like overwhelming.

It always looks like people are having a blast and not feeling particularly overcooked.

I have a good time too, even though I’m not into making lefse in mass quantities (eating it is another matter) or hunting deer (eating it is another matter as well).

But on Saturday in particular, when everyone is doing everything at the same time and the voices are shouting and the music is blaring and the kids are running—well, that’s when I struggle some.

Introverts Aren’t Antisocial or Asocial

On the Internet, be it on social media or on product websites, you often see T-shirts and coffee mugs and posters with snarky messages about introverts and their feelings where other people are concerned.

Stuff like:

• Introverts Unite! Separately. In Your Own Homes.
• I Don’t Hate People, I Just Feel Better When They’re Not Around.
• I’d Love to Stay and Chat but I’m Lying.
• Eww. People.

In a way, these sentiments make me chuckle; they are kind of funny, if only because there’s a grain of truth in them.

But the antisocial/asocial introvert meme is often sold as—and understood to be, especially in our extroverted culture—actual reality.

It isn’t.

It just isn’t.

Let’s Interact One at a Time, Please

I’ve been to Lefse Weekend many times now, and as I reflect on my experiences there I see a pattern.

I have some energizing conversations there. But they occur with one or two people at a time, either before the big lefse making event, when people are gathering and it’s relatively quiet; or after, when most people have left.

We introverts are often portrayed as simply not liking people. Perhaps that’s true in a few cases, same as it’s undoubtedly true for a few extroverts.

But what’s really going on is this:

Introverts do like people. It’s the way we like to interact with people that differs so markedly from the typical extrovert’s preferences.

Are introverts uniformly antisocial or asocial?

No.

Do introverts have some sort of arbitrary people-time limit?

No.

Is something just plain wrong with introverts?

Absolutely not.

It’s just that we so rarely get to interact with people the way we really want to.

We seek, and for our own mental health and satisfaction we should seek:

One-on-one or very-small-group situations. Pick out any introvert on the street and he/she will likely tell you that a one-on-one chat tops shouting over two dozen other people at a party every time.

Meaningful topics to discuss. It’s the small talk we introverts hate, not the people engaging in it. But if we can have a substantive chat about a substantive subject, we’re in.

A quiet setting and a leisurely pace. Introverts are drawn to, and drawn out by, calm and deliberate where conversations are concerned.

Good listeners. These folks are easy to spot; they’re the ones who actually listen.

Interact with People Your Own Way

Lefse Weekend will always be fun.

Lefse Weekend will always be overwhelming.

Lefse Weekend will always be fun and overwhelming all wrapped into one.

Same goes for family gatherings. And professional conferences. And parties.

Name your event: If you’re an introvert, you may have a hard time. And some people at the event may even give you a hard time!

Just remember: You’re not fighting an internal, innate dislike of people.

You just want to be with people your own way.

The introvert’s way.