Be Ready to Clarify What “I Need Some Alone Time” Really Means

The way introverts talk about “alone time,” and the way others—especially extroverts—interpret the phrase, can lead to conflict.

“I just need some alone time.”

These six words—words that, as an introvert, you might innocently utter to someone you care about in life, someone you love, even—can and do wreak a lot of havoc on relationships.

They shouldn’t.

But they do.

Why?

Because of what gets lost in translation.

A Phenomenon to Be Aware of

Let me make you aware of something, fellow introvert. It’s a strange but common phenomenon that needs to be on your radar if it isn’t already.

When you say “I just need some alone time” to somebody in your life—especially if that somebody is an extrovert—a weird and potentially dangerous thing often happens.

Allow me to show you, with that word translation in mind.

When you say “I just need some alone time,” you almost certainly mean something like this:

“I don’t want to be with any human being on the planet right now.”

Frequently, though—and again, I’ve noticed it most when the “somebody” you’re talking to is an extrovert—this is what the person you’re talking to hears:

“I don’t want to be with you.”

Not quite the same thing, is it.

You’re saying “I want to be alone” as in “I don’t want to be with anyone, whether I love them, I hate them, I’m neutral toward them, or I’ve never even met them.”

Your companion, on the other hand, hears that same “I want to be alone” and goes right to “he/she is rejecting me, personally and exclusively.”

You’re doing no such thing, of course.

But that doesn’t matter—because perception really is reality.

To your companion, at least.

“Alone Time” Means Time Away from Everyone

Fortunately this problem is fairly easy to solve when it happens, and even easier to prevent in the first place.

You simply have to adjust your phrasing a bit. Or add to it, as the case may be.

“I just need some alone time” needs to become something like:

“I just need some alone time. I can’t be around anybody right now.”

Or:

“I just need some time to myself, away from everyone and everything.”

The trick is to be explicit about not only what you need (i.e., alone time), but also precisely what that means and, crucially, who it covers (i.e., all of humanity!).

Yes, it sounds a little bit like the somewhat nauseating dumping line “it’s not you, it’s me.”

But in this case it’s true.

And by coming right out and saying it, you’ll ensure that there are no misunderstandings.

So that you get what you want and need with no conflict.

And no hard feelings.